Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Screwed Up: Hour of Need

For those unfamiliar with my story, Screwed Up: My Life, please start at the beginning here. The purpose of me writing this intimate account of surviving a difficult childhood is explained here. This story in its entirety can be found at Blurb.com and is available for purchase for $12.95 plus shipping and handling.


I did not know what to do or where to go. I had lost touch with my best friend, Dee, after I moved out of Indiana and I really did not know anyone else whom I could live with. My ties with my friend from Oklahoma had been broken and I had no idea where my sister, Shelly lived. I wanted to call my sister, but I did not know where to start. It would be years later that I discovered she was looking for me too.

The only person I could think of that might take me in was the family I had spent two days with in Oklahoma. I did not know them, but they seemed like a good family. So, I called them up and told them what was going on. I don’t remember them ever telling me I could not live with them, but I was desperate to find someone. I was seventeen and I had the daunting task of looking for my own home. Oh how I was even more jealous of my friends that had a family.



I could not stand the thought for even a second of living with my mother or living with my stepdad. Heck, I already hated seeing my stepdad and his wife at church nearly every Sunday. I ignored them on purpose and refused to talk with them. I went out of my way to avoid them.

So, one evening I found myself on my knees once again pleading and begging to God to help find me somewhere to live. I prayed for His assistance unceasingly. One day, I gave God a timeline—I told Him that He had until a Sunday night at midnight to find me a place to live. I told Him I was sure He would do this for me and I told Him I would have unshakable faith in believing He would let me know His answer.

Each day, as the date of my personal ultimatum with God became closer, I felt more nervous and more restless, but I kept my unwavering faith in Him. I didn’t tell anyone that I had made this deal with God; it was a private and intimate bargain just between him and me. The night of the date of the ultimatum came and I lay awake on my bed praying to God and telling Him that I knew that even though there was only fifteen minutes until midnight, that I trusted Him to make this possible with me. I told Heavenly Father that I knew he would complete His end of the deal.

It was two minutes before midnight and I lay on my back in the dark on my bed staring at the ceiling and glancing at my watch. I watched the moonlight filtering in through the window in my bedroom. I felt the covers over my body and the pillow under my head. I didn’t question for one moment why Heavenly Father was making me wait for an answer. I put all my trust in Him and just let go of my human questioning. God had gotten me through worse, I thought, and I knew He had a purpose for everything.

That’s when someone entered my bedroom.

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